She Believed She Could, So She Did

First pin on my Inspiration Board

First pin on my Inspiration Board

I remember a time when I was younger, when I thought I had all the answers. I laid my life out almost to a tee and had confidence in the direction I wanted to head in. When I was 5 I wanted to be a singer. When I was 8 I wanted to be a teacher. When I was 10 I wanted to be a doctor and when I turned 12 I was cast in a school play as Juliet and from that moment on I was determined to be an actress. As I got older acting, singing, and dancing became more recreational and eventually no longer became a part of my life. I would drag my dad to Manhattan to take me to auditions or that in high school I sang in a choir at Disney  during Christmases.

 So after I let that part of my life go I turned my life to my books. I went to college and majored in Anthropology and became a pre-med student. Every semester I had room for one elective class, and somehow I’d always find myself gravitating towards Theatre. I eventually took enough Theatre classes as electives and had enough credits for a minor. Ha whoops! The more Anthropology and Theatre classes I took the more I loved them and the less I liked my pre-med classes. It was during my 3rd year in college that I opted to postpone taking my entrance exams. This was also the year my health began to worsen and I really needed some time to think and get better before I made such a big decision.

 I found myself asking the questions we all do at some point in our lives: “Is this what I really want to do?” “Where do I want to go in my life?” “What is the right path for me?” and then I realized I wasn’t going to find those answers if I kept asking them. Life keeps going whether you know the answers or not. It’s scary not knowing which direction the wind will blow you, but find comfort in the fact that you have to just go. Just keep going and believe you can. Even if life doesn’t turn out as your 5-year-old self planned, sometimes life is just meant to be a winding road, so enjoy the scenery, and when you’ve find the place to stop, you’ll know.

Weekly Writing Challenge: I Remember

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I Dream of Cake

My love affair with cake began at a very early age: portrayed in the picture of me gorging my face on my 5th birthday. I love cake, but cake does not love me. See once upon a time I wasn’t actually as allergic to wheat as I am now. I could tolerate small amounts and be fine. I was, however allergic to eggs and dairy when I was younger, which I thankfully and miraculously  outgrew in my teens. I enjoyed my first piece of cake without having my throat close in on itself when I was 15, and from then on it was strawberry shortcakes, cheesecakes, pancakes, almond bear claws, and whatever else really. Unfortunately, a little more than half a decade later my immune system had another surprise for me. I started reacting to wheat. One bite into a multi-grain bread and I had felt like a thousand wasps had stung me on my tongue.

I continued to eat refined wheat aka bleached white flour in the form of white bread, cakes, and pastries and seemed to be ok. No itchy mouth or scratchy throat so I thought I was good. Wrong. Days later I’d break out in eczema or I’d have other related symptoms of fatigue and achy joints, and I let this go on for years. I would always chalk it up to stress, not getting enough sleep or something else I ate. I refused to believe that I was allergic to wheat again just like I was in denial on my 5th birthday that I wasn’t supposed to be eating that cupcake. I learned the hard way of course. Moments after that picture was snapped, I had an allergic reaction and I went off into the corner and cried, but it was my party and I figured I could cry if I wanted to and have my cake and eat it too. Sadly that’s not how the world works for us allergic folk.

But just like I outgrew my allergy to eggs and dairy, I’m hoping I’ll one day be able to have wheat and flour again. I’m taking a break from eating all of it now and letting my gut repair itself by eating clean, but I have faith I’ll heal soon so I can have my favorite, strawberry shortcake in a few birthdays again.

This post is a part of the WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge themed Foreshadow